Well, it's almost here - tomorrow is John & Hallie's 1st birthday! Wow! The past few days have been full of such vivid flashbacks. This year, it's the days of the week that we associate everything with and so Sunday brought memories of going to the hospital with contractions and being released and not feeling right about that at all. In my counseling pre-practicum, we've been talking about how traumas are stored in the senses, and everything from TV shows to the weather are triggering memories. That Sunday, there was miscommunication and so I wasn't examined as thoroughly as I should have been...that factored into the problems on Monday because when I started having contractions early in the day, they didn't immediately bring me in because they thought I had checked out fine Sunday night. By the time they did get me in and examined on Monday night, not even the strongest meds were enough to stop the contractions fully - I say that, they were stopped when I left Kingwood but by the time I got to Women's, I was having regular contractions and John was nearly in the birth canal.

I'm human, and so I do remember all of this and "Why?" goes through my mind. Why didn't they check me out that Sunday? Why didn't I speak up and insist on it or ask more often if I could stay overnight or get checked out Monday? (I had an appt. set up for Tuesday morning - that's why no one thought it was urgent to get in Monday.) Why John & Hallie? Why do so many friends have healthy pregnancies and we're celebrating our babies by honoring their memories?

The beauty of God is that He is the answer to all the whys. Why do things happen - so that God can be glorified, and when I remember that, it all makes sense. I realize that God didn't just take John & Hallie, He gave us John & Hallie, and that's so beautiful to me. The way that everything happened, each day of their lives was so clearly a gift from God. We got to see so many miracles, and we have a son and daughter that we waited years for. We focused on God through it all and so we got to see God, feel His love for us and our children, see His miraculous power, experience the true meaning of Christian family, and have peace that transcends all understanding. We got an amazing opportunity to give God glory - it seems that would have been easier to do if John & Hallie had survived, but we got the opportunity to show how great we think God is in the midst of a tragedy. God is love, God is good - we got to see that in such mighty ways! We talked about perspective in my Sunday school class this week, and I love that God can turn my whys to praise in an instant. How GREAT IS OUR GOD!!!

John & Hallie's birthday is definitely a day for celebration and I hope that all of you will join us in celebrating them and how great our God is tomorrow and every day!

And their impact continues on - we raised over $900 this weekend in the March for Babies as Team John & Hallie, and God gave us a beautiful day to do it in. And in a week and a half, I'll be giving out the 1st two John & Hallie scholarships. Praise, praise, praise God. I cannot say enough how proud I am of the legacy that my two little ones will have for years and years to come. :)