There are two ways I could go today and I'm going to choose the positive one. I love God. I love that when I am thinking I should be allowed to be as mopey as possible, He kicks my behind and tells me to praise Him. I love that He reveals to me new insights each day and doesn't give up when I come to the same place again. I love that He is so much bigger than anything I can imagine, and I love that He is love and He is good.

This morning, I started feeling upset as I thought about this Tuesday, a year ago, which is when we found out I was in preterm labor. It's amazing how quickly life can change - a lesson we learned over and over again this past year. So while I was trying to figure out how many tears were in the ducts today, I realized that I didn't want to cry as John & Hallie's birthday approaches - I wanted to celebrate them. I wanted to give thanks for God's gift and for all the moments we did have with the two of them. I wanted to give thanks that I can still feel Hallie's peach fuzz and feel her squeeze my hand, and that I can still see John in my mind before he got so swollen. I have two amazing children, and I'm really hoping that this realization - that I can choose the emotions I feel when remembering them - will carry through and be a bit of the breakthrough I need. I'm finding myself feeling 'ready' for the world again, and it's been a long time since that was so true. Praise God!!

Disclaimer: If you know me or live around here, I'm not promising not to cry, still occasionally whine or have worries, but I am hopeful those will be fewer. As I was walking into my Bible study today, I was thinking of something in the complaining family and I realized that was a choice again - I'm really trying to turn my thoughts towards praise to God....wish me luck. :)