Saturday, July 10, 2010

Exciting news!! :)

The past 24 hours have been absolutely amazing and I have got to share my excitement and hope - I am just unable to really concentrate on anything else today, so I might as well get on here and get more people praying for us.

Thursday is when I have my practicum, so I got home a little before 11 pm. I came up to check messages and visited my friends' blog - David and Danyel are dear friends to us who have been married 15 years...always wanting children and never having any luck. They started the adoption process years ago and have faithfully waited on God's time and when I got home Thursday and pulled up their blog, I saw their first family picture with their 3 beautiful Brazilian children. It brought instant tears to my eyes and praise to my heart.

I have taken to spending time each morning writing a prayer journal about our hopes for more children, and Friday morning, this is what I wrote:

"God, thank you for D&D who show how powerful a testimony a successful adoption is and I pray our story will also speak to Your perfect timing and great love. God, I pray for our birthmother - Lord, please let her and her baby be healthy and may we shine Your love on them...You are GREAT & GOOD & LOVE & I cannot wait to share You as our journey continues."

Well, something came up as I was doing my actual Bible study later in the afternoon and I felt like I wasn't sharing God's goodness enough, so I got on my Facebook and wrote a post about David and Danyel and how awesome God is.

ONE MINUTE after posting that, my cell phone rang. It came up as "Restricted" - my IVF doctor and the adoption agency are the only 2 numbers that show up that way, and I got this incredibly excited feeling. It was our adoption agency and they had a potential situation for us. We have only gotten one other call and it was for a baby that would likely have neurological problems and we didn't pursue it because it was so soon after the twins.

This time, everything she said sounded great. Teen mom (my hope has always been able to help someone like the students I loved so much), lives in Texas, healthy, Caucasian (not that that really matters), and on and on with positive characteristics and wanting a stay-at-home mom. We said we'd love to talk with her and I suggested after 6 when Reagan was sure to be home.

We prayed and prayed and asked others to pray and were just so excited and around 6:30, she called and I felt like the conversation went GREAT! She said that she wanted to help us and she would tell Lifetime that she didn't want to speak to any more families. We talked about trying to meet her and the birthfather (who is supportive of the adoption) in 2 weeks - the 24th - and we said we would call her after we both talked with Lifetime and get that set up. Her due date is sometime in October...we are so excited!!

Actually, we are BEYOND EXCITED!! I just cannot stop praying for this to work out. It felt so good yesterday and I feel this lack of worry today about it all. Monday, Lifetime will call her and make sure she still wants to go ahead with us and then they will get in touch with us.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE PRAY FOR THIS TO ALL WORK OUT. I would crash HARD if she changed her mind, and it really feels like this is God's work and just had such a good feeling talking with her. WE ARE SO EXCITED!! HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!!

We also have put the embryo transfer thoughts on hold. We are 100% committed to this adoption happening and showering this baby with God's love (through us....and like the 1000s of other people praying). :) Hopefully, this all will work out and we will plan on having money set aside to be able to grow our family in a few years...most likely trying adoption again.

So, in case my caps didn't clue you in - two things to get from this:

1 - PRAY (please pray for the birthmom and birthfather to have peace about this decision, to stay with us if it is the right thing for us all, and for our meeting to go smoothly in a few weeks and start a great relationship and just add to our excitement).

2 - WE ARE EXCITED!! I am in awe of God yet again and His timing and His answers and His perfect plans for our lives.

Love you all!


OH - let me just say all the frustrations that come from waiting are so COMPLETELY WASHED AWAY in this excitement. I have continually recited Psalm 30 today - "Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing will come in the morning...." and "You have turned my wailing into dancing"

Saturday, July 3, 2010


Oh my goodness - I didn't realize the last time I was on here was the babies' birthday! I really have been gone awhile, haven't I? How funny that it was my birthday on Thursday that made me want to get back on here. I turned 35 on Thursday - that sounds old to me, but I really don't feel old...maybe because the thing I want for my adulthood - raising children - still alludes me.

I did have quite a moment on Thursday remembering my time with Hallie. I shed some tears for both babies, just wishing I had something to hold and remembering just how sweet it was to hold Hallie's hand and stroke her hair. My birthday last year is one of many awesome days in Hallie's story. I went in to the NICU determined to be positive - I had bought presents for the twins of my two best NICU friends and that made me happy to deliver those. I went back to see Hallie and she was in a bad spot with her swelling - so puffy, not able to open her eyes and numbers not so good. The doctor came back and painted a dire picture of the situation - basically, Hallie's numbers looked like she was entering kidney failure and that would 'eventually lead to her demise'. I remember wanting to tell the doctor that it was my birthday and if she could try to be more positive, it'd be a nice present. But instead I just focused in on my little girl. I had asked for big diapers as a birthday present and everyone was praying for those - and while I was there, the nurse changed a diaper with 85 ml of pee!!!! To put that in Hallie perspective, we'd been happy when she had diapers with 5-8 ml, so that was truly a miracle! She kept it up all day - I think she peed about 300 ml that day was amazing, and I knew it was all God answering our prayers for Hallie. The next day, when I got there, it was one of my favorite Hallie days ever. First, I got to share it with my sister-in-law, Brandy - I loved nothing more than getting to actually show off Hallie to others. And then, it was one of her most 'alive' days. She had figured out how to wiggle and scoot, so the nurse would position her and Hallie would start shaking her booty and pop out of her was the most adorable thing I've ever seen and I felt a little like it was my little girl saying, "I want to get out of here" and a little like she was playing - it was one of her spunkiest days. She was able to look at me and well, it was answered prayers all around. We came out of that day and had quite the roller coaster the rest of the holiday weekend, but that day was so good. God is AMAZING!!

And one reason I share that story is because it is such a testimony of how much the prayers for our family HELPED our family. We saw God working in Hallie, and we felt the power of prayer in being lifted up to God by so many voices. So PLEASE KEEP IT UP!! :) Here are the latest updates:

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday John & Hallie!! I can remember singing happy birthday to them when they were a week old...I remember because I forgot to sing to John and then that was the day of his surgery that went wrong, so when I went back I apologized to him. Even that memory feels like a good one today - I just love remembering them and all the ways we saw God in them. I am so thankful today has been a day of celebration in my mind and not a day of sadness - PRAISE GOD! He has given peace that surpasses understanding, and I just want to share it with the world because it is such a wonderful feeling.

I also want to say that one of the greatest legacies of John & Hallie were how they showed what Christian family is all about. The way that people rallied around us and prayed for John & Hallie was absolutely amazing and unexplainable without the love of Christ. The way people cared for us is not natural - people didn't even know us and they were loving us and cooking for us and praying for us - that bond that Christ gives us all and that love of God that resides within each Christian are both powerful things and we got to see just how amazing they are countless times over the past year. I praise God for each of you and am so thankful for the lessons we learned from John & Hallie and all of you about loving one another.

One sad thing is that you all did not get to meet our John & Hallie, but even that brings a smile to my face today because I know one day we will all be together and we will celebrate in the presence of God - how awesome that day will be!! And I love knowing they are already there in that perfect place with perfect 'bodies'....praise God!

Lots and lots of love!!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Well, it's almost here - tomorrow is John & Hallie's 1st birthday! Wow! The past few days have been full of such vivid flashbacks. This year, it's the days of the week that we associate everything with and so Sunday brought memories of going to the hospital with contractions and being released and not feeling right about that at all. In my counseling pre-practicum, we've been talking about how traumas are stored in the senses, and everything from TV shows to the weather are triggering memories. That Sunday, there was miscommunication and so I wasn't examined as thoroughly as I should have been...that factored into the problems on Monday because when I started having contractions early in the day, they didn't immediately bring me in because they thought I had checked out fine Sunday night. By the time they did get me in and examined on Monday night, not even the strongest meds were enough to stop the contractions fully - I say that, they were stopped when I left Kingwood but by the time I got to Women's, I was having regular contractions and John was nearly in the birth canal.

I'm human, and so I do remember all of this and "Why?" goes through my mind. Why didn't they check me out that Sunday? Why didn't I speak up and insist on it or ask more often if I could stay overnight or get checked out Monday? (I had an appt. set up for Tuesday morning - that's why no one thought it was urgent to get in Monday.) Why John & Hallie? Why do so many friends have healthy pregnancies and we're celebrating our babies by honoring their memories?

The beauty of God is that He is the answer to all the whys. Why do things happen - so that God can be glorified, and when I remember that, it all makes sense. I realize that God didn't just take John & Hallie, He gave us John & Hallie, and that's so beautiful to me. The way that everything happened, each day of their lives was so clearly a gift from God. We got to see so many miracles, and we have a son and daughter that we waited years for. We focused on God through it all and so we got to see God, feel His love for us and our children, see His miraculous power, experience the true meaning of Christian family, and have peace that transcends all understanding. We got an amazing opportunity to give God glory - it seems that would have been easier to do if John & Hallie had survived, but we got the opportunity to show how great we think God is in the midst of a tragedy. God is love, God is good - we got to see that in such mighty ways! We talked about perspective in my Sunday school class this week, and I love that God can turn my whys to praise in an instant. How GREAT IS OUR GOD!!!

John & Hallie's birthday is definitely a day for celebration and I hope that all of you will join us in celebrating them and how great our God is tomorrow and every day!

And their impact continues on - we raised over $900 this weekend in the March for Babies as Team John & Hallie, and God gave us a beautiful day to do it in. And in a week and a half, I'll be giving out the 1st two John & Hallie scholarships. Praise, praise, praise God. I cannot say enough how proud I am of the legacy that my two little ones will have for years and years to come. :)

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

There are two ways I could go today and I'm going to choose the positive one. I love God. I love that when I am thinking I should be allowed to be as mopey as possible, He kicks my behind and tells me to praise Him. I love that He reveals to me new insights each day and doesn't give up when I come to the same place again. I love that He is so much bigger than anything I can imagine, and I love that He is love and He is good.

This morning, I started feeling upset as I thought about this Tuesday, a year ago, which is when we found out I was in preterm labor. It's amazing how quickly life can change - a lesson we learned over and over again this past year. So while I was trying to figure out how many tears were in the ducts today, I realized that I didn't want to cry as John & Hallie's birthday approaches - I wanted to celebrate them. I wanted to give thanks for God's gift and for all the moments we did have with the two of them. I wanted to give thanks that I can still feel Hallie's peach fuzz and feel her squeeze my hand, and that I can still see John in my mind before he got so swollen. I have two amazing children, and I'm really hoping that this realization - that I can choose the emotions I feel when remembering them - will carry through and be a bit of the breakthrough I need. I'm finding myself feeling 'ready' for the world again, and it's been a long time since that was so true. Praise God!!

Disclaimer: If you know me or live around here, I'm not promising not to cry, still occasionally whine or have worries, but I am hopeful those will be fewer. As I was walking into my Bible study today, I was thinking of something in the complaining family and I realized that was a choice again - I'm really trying to turn my thoughts towards praise to God....wish me luck. :)

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Another update

Hi All,

I'm back with just a little update - I may try to write a little each day this next few weeks as we spend quite a bit of time each day remembering where we were a year ago. Last year, this was the day I first felt a contraction - I didn't really know what was going on, but thought that something might be 'different'. Friends reassured me that there were some contractions common to pregnancy so not to worry, and I knew I would be seeing my doctor on Tuesday. I also could feel John & Hallie - those babies loved to kick each other and me, which was a constant joy and reassurance to me with everything else that went on with the pregnancy.

Couple of updates:

  • The first round of Clomid had no effect on my hormones. I was bummed about that but then had the BEST discussion with Dr. Roach about what's next. I LOVE HER!! We're trying a slightly higher dose of Clomid once and seeing if my body responds. If not, I will go on the birth control pills which is the prep step for doing our frozen embryo transfer in August...provided I'm a relaxed girl (more later on that). With our three embryos individually frozen, she thinks that at least two, if not all three, should make at a time. :)

  • Please be in prayer for my appt. with Dr. Hare on May 19th - this is a prepregnancy consultation with the high-risk OBs where I delivered. I am praying for optimistic news and she doesn't find anything to suggest we should not try the embryos.

  • ADOPTION NEWS - well, no news is okay news right now. It gets frustrating some days, but I really believe God knows what He's doing and that His timing in all this will make sense to us - not just make sense to us, but move us to praise Him so loudly when we see how He worked in this. We have continued to do things the agency suggests, and a friend of mine has also suggested a local agency we might work with in the future. Right now, I am planning to finish up my schoolwork by August and it just feels like God might be waiting for me to get that out of the way so I can focus on our new children. :)

I love you all - thanks for your comments and the support you give on all of this stuff. :)

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter to everyone!!

I don't know if it's because of all we've been through this past year or because we are reading through the Old Testament or because we are talking about forgiveness in Sunday school, but my thankfulness for Jesus and God's amazing love is at an all-time high. I think if I could spend all day on my knees giving thanks, I would. :) I pray that all of you spend tomorrow rejoicing at God's mighty power and how He saved us all because He loves us that much. I can kind of identify with God and what it must have been like to watch his only Son suffer and die - God went through all of that for us - not because we deserved it, but because of His mercy and love. So AWESOME!!!!

A couple updates:
  • We're trying to keep on keeping on with life - this month is a tough one as we remember where we were a year ago. At this time, it was all excitement and planning and in a couple weeks, that all changed. God has provided much to keep us busy so that we are not puddles of tears on a regular basis. Reagan's work has been a bit too busy the past few weeks and I'm hoping that'll get back to normal in a few days. I've been busy with projects in all four classes - trying not to let it stress me out. :)

  • We remain optimistic about all our baby options - the only really new news is that my IVF doc had me try Clomid again and see if we can get pregnant without having to do the embryo transfer - what a MIRACLE that would be and we ask you all to pray for that possibility. We know God's promise that ALL things are possible with God.

  • No new news on the adoption - we found out that our contract will probably be extended in August if we haven't matched and then there is an increased chance of getting a last minute baby. God only knows what will be coming of that...of all of it really - we just continue praying and hoping. :)

Okay, I'm a HUGE hoops fan and I think my West Virginia Mountaineers are needing my support. (The only team I got right in the brackets this year, but what a fun March Madness it has been!!)

Love you all and Happy Easter!