Spring break, spring break, wherefore art thou, Spring break?

My Spring break is just around the corner and I can’t wait! No big travel plans, and I still will have a lot of projects for my classes to work on, but I won’t have to go anywhere and that’ll be nice. A week of evenings at home with Reagan sounds pretty peaceful to me. Classes have been going well and I’ve been thankful for the distraction they provide.

I want to wait to write more tomorrow. I am meeting with my IVF doctor at 2 p.m. I did some lab tests yesterday, and we’re going to talk about what will be next for me. Reagan and I wish we could try the embryos right now and find out if they are going to work or not or what we’re doing for that…but it just makes sense to wait until August. Tomorrow will yield a lot more information whether my body is even going to be able to do the embryos. And I still start each day praying that we’ll get a phone call that our birthmom has picked us. We just are ready to know what God has for us next. Maybe it’s because it’s spring down here and you can’t go outside without seeing some mom in our neighborhood pushing a stroller. Visions of the double stroller I was hoping to be pushing feel like sugar plums dancing in my head, and I find that my three-layered wall that holds back my John & Hallie tears is down to just two layers these days. I’ve had a weekly sobbing fit twice since I last posted.

Now, I really am not all boo-hoo girl – I’m enjoying the fact that I can actually hit the golf ball in golf class with Reagan, I’m enjoying dating my husband – our movie dates and peaceful, quiet nights with our flannel blankies, I’m interested in what I’m learning in my classes, and I’m enjoying the volunteering that has come along with them. I am extraordinarily blessed with wonderful friends – whether it’s walks with my friend Gretchen, talks with my friends Kendra and Sara, trading e-mails with a whole lotta amazing women in Tennessee, going to Bible studies down here and having the BEST Life group one could ever envision, I have no shortage of people making me smile each day. And yet, I still feel something missing and I have to believe that is God saying there are kids still to come for Reagan and I.

My friend, Kendra, told me today to be optimistic about my appt. tomorrow, and then I read my devotional which said to pray with faith, not fear. I love nothing more than when I get the same message in multiple ways – it’s like God is fully aware that I am thick-headed and need the repetition. So in my daily Bible reading, I got to read Him telling Joshua three times to be ‘bold and courageous’ and ‘not to be afraid because the Lord is with him.’ Got it, God – You’re in control, not me….and I praise You, Lord, for that!