1st Entry

I was getting ready to change my daughter’s diaper, and I had a moment of elation when I looked and saw she was peeing…nonstop urine coming drip by precious drip. I was so excited and put a little cloth down on her so that she wouldn’t wet her bed while I was getting the new diaper. I rubbed her head, that soft peach fuzz that is so precious on sweet babies. As sweet as it was, I could feel the swollen skin underneath. Reagan had shared his dream from the weekend – Hallie was dying and this time she was old enough to talk to him through it. Was my dream going to turn into the same? There was one way to tell. I put my finger into her tiny hand, and my heart leapt as her precious fingers curled around and squeezed with all her might…she was there with me and the tight grip simply meant “hustle up, Mom, and get that clean diaper.”

And then I woke up – the happy moment was just a dream. And I realized I would never feel that squeeze again or that soft peach fuzzy head, and then I cried and felt that feeling I get so often that something had been ripped out of my body. And then I took time to remember.

Hello everyone. My name is Kate Kinser, and I have been asked to start a blog for over a year now. I have put it off, sticking to e-mail to share the journey of the past year and where God is leading me now. But as I start to read more and more blogs myself, I realize that if I claim I have something worth saying to the masses, then this is as good a way as any to get it out there. I do hope to reach a publisher somewhere – or at least organize my own thoughts to present to a publisher someday. I’m sure it’ll take me a little while to get used to this, so bear with me if I start out a little bit rambly. There are really three things under an umbrella of one that will form the basis of this blog.

The first is to share about my children and all that happened over the past year. EXACTLY a year ago today, I had my first spotting related to my first pregnancy. Two months and a day prior to that, my husband, Reagan, and I had done IVF and were overjoyed to end up pregnant with twins. The first trimester seemed to be going fairly smoothly and then the tiniest bit of spotting. A year ago, we went to the doctor and the bleeding stopped, the ultrasound showed two of the cutest babies – one sleeping and one doing flips, and we thought we’d just had a little hiccup and everything would be fine…three months and one day later, I gave birth to our precious John & Hallie – at just 24 ½ weeks gestation. And four months and one day after that, Hallie went to be with her twin brother in heaven. I will be using this blog to share my reflections as this year progresses.

The second thing I want to share about is our continued journey to raising children. John & Hallie taught us how much we want to have babies in our home and raise them to be healthy adults. As we undergo the patience producer of trying to adopt, as we weigh our options with frozen embryos, fresh IVF cycles, and process genetic tests and tests on my body to determine if we are even able to successfully have full-term babies, I want to share this journey that more women than I ever would have expected go through. I wish someone had let me know growing up that having babies isn’t just something you decide to do and it happens, and I find one of the greatest things that has strengthened me in my own journey is hearing the trials and triumphs of others.

All of the things I share will have one common goal – to show God and His mighty work in my life and in the lives of my children. My hope is to draw people closer to Him – to show a good, loving God that will make others desire to know Him more. Through successes, through struggles, through the happiest times, through heartbreak, through His provisions and His taking away, I want to praise the name of the Lord and show His loving presence in every step of life. I love God so much, and since I can’t figure out how to get on my roof to shout about it, you’ll hear about it here.

I’d love to share a life verse of some sort in my first blog entry, but I don’t really have one – I have a life book which is the Bible. Scripture will definitely be a part of this blog, and so today, I’m going to start with something that jumped out at me as Reagan and I try to read through the Bible this year. We are up to the story of Moses parting the Red Sea and the people are afraid of the Egyptians closing in on them. In Exodus 14, God tells Moses that this is happening so that He can ‘GAIN GLORY” through Pharoah, the chariots and the horsemen. He allows His chosen people to be frightened, then kills thousands of people, and it is all for His glory. I’ve definitely had my share of bad things that I brought on myself, and I’ve had my share of bad things that fit into the ‘life isn’t fair’ category, and unfortunately, I’m pretty sure more will come through the years. The beautiful thing is that they all fall into the category of ‘things that can bring God glory’ based on how I handle them.

Please take a little time each day and I hope that as I see the blessings in my journey that you will see them too, and maybe it will help you see the blessings in your own journey as well. I have always felt we all have a story to tell, and I have realized this past year just how true that statement is – except our stories are all really God’s stories, and it is one of the best ways we can give back to Him – by sharing His work in our lives and praying and praising with one another each step of the way.